Email etiquette is not really about etiquette. It is about respecting somebody else’s attention.
I originally wrote this because email is an incredible communication tool that we have collectively spent decades finding ways to make annoying. The technology has changed. The basic mistakes have not.
Now AI can write a polished email in seconds, which makes one thing even more important: the person receiving it should still feel like a human being thought about why they were sending it.
Ten rules that still hold up
- Write a subject line that does actual work. “Hey” is not a subject. Tell the reader what the message is about and, when useful, what you need from them.
- Get to the point. Context matters. A three-paragraph runway before the reason for the email usually does not.
- Watch your tone. Email strips away facial expression and vocal cues. Read important messages out loud before sending them.
- Do not manufacture urgency. Everything cannot be ASAP. If there is a real deadline, state it and explain why.
- Do not send the angry version. Draft it. Walk away. Come back when winning the argument is less important than solving the problem.
- Use reply all like it costs money. Everybody on a thread does not need every response.
- Make the ask obvious. If you need approval, a decision, an introduction, or a document, say so clearly.
- Proofread names, dates, links, and attachments. Fancy prose cannot rescue getting the recipient’s name wrong.
- Do not hide behind email when a conversation is needed. Some problems get worse with every additional paragraph. Pick up the phone.
- Remember that written communication has a long memory. Assume anything you send may eventually be forwarded, screenshotted, or reread without the context you had when you wrote it.
AI can improve the draft without owning the judgment
AI is useful for tightening a draft, changing tone, finding ambiguity, summarizing a long thread, and making a complicated message clearer. I use AI.
The problem begins when automation removes the evidence that anybody considered the recipient. If your “personalized” outreach sounds exactly like the other forty personalized emails in my inbox, the tool did its job and the strategy did not.
That is the email version of the AI judgment gap: generation can be automated more easily than responsibility.
Better writing helps. Better judgment helps more.
Every email teaches somebody what working with you might feel like
Are you clear? Do you respect time? Do you follow through? Do you create unnecessary drama? Do you make decisions easier or harder?
That is why email belongs in the same conversation as relationships, leadership, and brand. Your reputation is not only the polished material people see publicly. It is also the Tuesday afternoon message nobody else will ever read.
Before you hit send
Check the person. Check the premise. Check the ask. Check the tone. Check whether email is even the right medium.
For the short final review I use for business outreach, continue with The Thirty-Second Check Before You Send the Email. For the broader customer-communication principles, read 5 Hilarious Ways to Improve Communication Between Businesses and Customers.